Hear and be clear. Don't assume - ask!

Definitions

Assumption – thinking you know something when you haven’t checked it out.

Bribes, lies, threats, guilt trips and head games – methods of manipulation and coercion used to force or trick someone to be sexual. May be used to force someone to consent, to say yes, to sexual acts they don't really want to do.

Coercion – when a person is threatened with harm to do something they don’t want to do. Ie. “I will hurt you if you don’t go out with me.” “ I will tell everyone at school that you are a slut if you don’t sleep with me.”

Consensuality – Consent and sensuality combined. Making consent a part of the pleasure. When both people truly agree to do something together and neither person feels confused or manipulated.

Consent – a mutual, verbal, physical, and emotional agreement that happens without manipulation, threats, or head games.

Date rape – when someone you know, a boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, acquaintance, or date, forces you to do something sexual that you didn’t want to. Is a common term for “acquaintance assault”. Includes any form of forced sexual activity, not just rape.

Date rape drugs – any drug or alcohol that is used to manipulate someone, make a person lower their inhibitions, or make them pass out in order to sexually assault them.

Double standard – when it is okay for one person to do something and not okay for another person, even though they both have equal rights. Ie. Guys get status for being sexual. Girls get called dirty or slut for being sexual.

Drug facilitated sexual assault– when drugs and/or alcohol, sometimes called date rape drugs, are used to lower a person's inhibitions or to make them pass out in order to sexually assault them.

Gender – what society defines as male or female based on biological sex. Not everyone identifies with being just male or just female.Gender is a spectrum of expression, not only male or female. People also identify as transgender.

Gossip and Rumours – passing on or starting stories about someone without their permission. Sharing personal information about someone without caring about the consequences for the other person. Can be hurtful and dangerous.

Label – a word that is used to hurt someone. A form of verbal violence.

Manipulation – when someone uses emotional bribery or head games to make a person do something. Ie. “if you really loved me, you’d have sex with me.” “But it hurts if we don’t, you got me all worked up”.

Media – any method that conveys ideas and messages. Includes tv, radio, newspapers, magazines, art, movies, music and internet.

Personal space – physical and emotional space around a person. You feel invaded when someone intrudes in your personal space. You feel trusting when you let someone into your personal space.

Rape– sexual intercourse that is forced and without consent. Rape is a form of sexual assault and is a crime.

Script – stereotypes that tell us how we should act. Gender scripts tell us how we are supposed to act as males and females. We get the messages through media and society

Sensuality – Pleasure. Things that feel good to all the senses - sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, spirit.

Sex – refers to more than just “intercourse”. Sex is any sexual activity. It includes hugging, kissing, touching. It involves the whole body. (Skin is the largest human organ.) It is about giving and receiving pleasure. Sex is emotional and has emotional consequences. Good sex includes trust, kindness, shared responsibility, communication and consent. Another meaning of sex is our biological sex as determined by genitals.

Sexual abuse – when someone in a position of authority or trust forces a person to do something sexual. When a child or youth is abused by an adult. Can refer to one incident or to many incidents over time.

Sexual assault – any unwanted, non-consensual sexual activity. Sexual assault is a crime. Sexual assault is violence.

Sexuality – includes our whole sexual being, values, orientation, relationships, bodies, feelings. All humans are sexual beings with a sexuality.

Sexual exploitation – when youth are bribed, manipulated or forced to perform sexual acts for money, drugs, food, clothes, shelter or other things. The person who exploits them, a pimp, often poses as a boyfriend or girlfriend to gain trust. Once the youth is in "debt" for the "gifts", the pimp will force them to pay it back through prostitution.

Sexual orientation – who people are attracted to sexually. Can include bi-sexual (attracted to male and female), homosexual/gay (attracted to same gender), or heterosexual/straight (attracted to opposite gender). It is common during adolescence to have sexual feelings for both same and opposite gender. Some people are sure about their sexual orientation. For others, it may change over time or become more clear who they are mostly attracted to.

Stereotype – a generalization about a group of people. Can lead to assumptions and disrespect for an individual or group.

Transgender– an umbrella term that refers to people who express their gender outside what is currently defined as male and female in mainstream society. The term transgender is under lots of debate as to what it means and who it includes. It helps to remember that gender, biological sex and sexual orientation are all different things.

Violence – any act that hurts another person. Can be physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, mental or verbal.

 


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