Have questions? Please email us and we will answer you.

1. When does physical touching become sexual assault?
2. If I’m pregnant because of rape what should I do?
3. Can I punish the person who assaulted me or will no one believe me?
4. If I am scared for my friend’s safety and well being, what should I do?
5. Can guys be raped by women and how?
6. If someone is trying to sexually assault you, should I fight back or will it make it worse?
7. Who should I talk to if I feel unsafe at school (sexually)?
8. If my boyfriend’s wanting me to do something I don’t want to, how should I tell him without making him feel rejected, or like I don’t want to be with him?
9. I’m a guy. If I am sexually assaulted by a guy, does it mean I am gay?

When does physical touching become sexual assault?

If any touching makes you feel uncomfortable, you have the right to say stop, even if the other person feels offended. Someone may be grabbing your butt in the hall or forcing you to kiss them. Put your own feelings and needs first. If you don’t feel safe, get out of the situation as soon as you can. Any activity with sexual intent that you do not consent to is sexual assault.

If I’m pregnant because of rape what should I do?

This is a tough question. If you are not sure you are pregnant, it is a good idea to go somewhere like a birth control clinic or to a doctor who can give you a pregnancy test, talk to you about your options, check for any injuries you may have and test for sexually transmitted infections. The “morning after pill” (emergency contraception) can be used for up to 72 hours after unprotected sex.

If you know you are pregnant, you can explore a few options. Adoption, becoming a parent, terminating the pregnancy are some of the possibilities. A doctor can give you information about what your options may be. Talk to a doctor you trust or find a birth control clinic that can give you information on all your options. Some doctors have strong opinions about the issue of birth control and abortion and may not give information on all your options. You may want to talk to a trusted adult too. Ultimately, the decision is yours to decide what is best for you.

If you are in Victoria, contact Island Sexual Health or phone the Youth Health Clinic at 388-7841. Also try Planned Parenthood Federation of America

Can I punish the person who assaulted me or will no one believe me?

It is normal to want to punish the person that assaulted you. Though there are no guarantees about what will happen, your best option may be to report to the police. Call a crisis line or sexual assault centre to find out how you can do this and what is involved.

Sexual assault can be difficult to prove legally in a court and there are lots of factors that affect whether a person is charged, if the case goes to court, and if and how they are sentenced. It is hard to predict what will happen. Call a crisis line to get more information about your options. You may also want to talk to a lawyer or police officer.

But it is important to remember that you don’t need to have it proven in court to be believed. If you were assaulted, you have a right to get help and support, even if you don’t want to report the assault. If you told someone and they didn't believe you, find someone else that you trust. If you need to talk about your situation, call a crisis line or talk to a counsellor. No matter what, you have a right to be believed.

If you are thinking about punishing the person by having the person beaten up or wrecking property, consider the risks of doing this. Even though feelings of revenge are normal and acceptable, acting on them is dangerous and possibly illegal. Rather than getting the revenge you want, you or your friends may end up being charged with assault instead. Better to focus on getting help and support for your healing.

If I am scared for my friend’s safety and well being, what should I do? I am worried she is at risk.

Let your friend know you are worried and why. Be specific about things they have said and done that make you worry. (like, drinking a lot, walking home alone, hooking up with people that treat them badly). Tell them that you are not judging them but just worried about what could happen to them. Share with them information you have about healthy relationships, positive sexuality, and safe sex. Let them know that you will be there for them and if they want to talk, you will listen. Don't try to force them to do what you think is best. Support them to make their own choices. Find out for yourself what kinds of community resources are out there for your friend so that when she/he is ready, you know where to get help.

Can guys be raped by women and how?

Yes, boys and men can be sexually assaulted by women. Any form of sexual activity without consent is assault. Women have assaulted boys or men by touching their genitals, forcing them to perform oral sex or stimulating them and then forcing them to have intercourse. Women can also pressure guys to be sexual by using head games, guilt trips or manipulation.

Because of myths that guys can’t be assaulted, guys may be less likely to identify or admit what happened to them was assault. While sexual assault of guys by women is less common than assault by men, it does happen. If it has happened to you, check out the section on how to get help and guys and sexual assault.

If someone is trying to sexually assault you, should I fight back or will it make it worse?

Always trust your gut instinct on what is safest to do. If you need to protect yourself, yell, kick, bite, run away. If it feels safer to not fight back, trust your instincts. Not physically fighting back does not mean you consented. However you handle it, you are doing what you need to do to stay as safe as possible. If you are assaulted, no matter how you handle it, it is not your fault.

Who should I talk to if I feel unsafe at school (sexually)?

Talk to a trusted school counsellor, a teacher or your parents. You have a right to feel safe at school. Find out what your school’s policies are around sexual harassment. Write down what happens, every time it happens. Include places,times and dates, what was said or done, who else was there and other details. Find a person to support you and bring it to the attention of the school administration if it continues.

If my boyfriend’s wanting me to do something I don’t want to, how should I tell him without making him feel rejected, or like I don’t want to be with him?

Sometimes we fear telling the other person what we truly want because we worry it will hurt them. But really, most lovers/partners really appreciate it when we are honest.

If your partner cares about you and respects you, the last thing your partner will want is make you uncomfortable and to do something you won’t enjoy. Find a time that feels good, take a deep breath and say, “ um, I wondered if we could talk about something, like sex… like what we like and don’t like. I know you really want to …. But I don’t feel ready, comfortable. What I really like is…” It will probably feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but it gets easier.

If it is in the heat of the moment, stop and offer a suggestion about what you do like. “ wait a sec. I like it when we…It feels better when we...”. Check out our ideas on how to communicate. Remember, you have a right to stop at any time, even right in the middle of having sex.

It is never an easy talk, but it does get easier. And it is a lot better than doing stuff you don’t want to. You have a right to enjoy what you are doing together.

The other possibility is that your partner may be pressuring you. Let your partner know clearly what your sexual limits are and tell them you don't want to be pressured or convinced. If they continue to pressure you, you may want to end this relationship. If your partner is not respecting your limits, they are not respecting you. You have a right to have your sexual limits respected in a relationship.

No. Your sexual orientation is not a result of being assaulted. 95% sexual assaults are committed by men and the majority of these men identify as heterosexual. Straight men do not sexually assault males because they are secretly gay. They do it because it gives them a sense of power and control over someone. We believe that being sexually active should be a choice. When that choice is taken away through sexual assault a young man may feel that he has been forced to be gay by another person. What we were trying to say is that if you are forced or pressured into being sexual with another man against your will that does not mean you are gay.