– by Angelo
It was love at first sight.
I was totally convinced!
The hottest guy I’ve ever seen.
I knew it just had to work.
Everyone knows that feeling when you just know, well I just knew.
So after that day I didn’t see him until two years later when I moved into the same complex as him.
He only lived two seconds away from me.
Ok, well I’ll get to the good part.
There were about five of us friends that hung out all the time, so I saw him like every day.
But, now that I was in total LOVE with him there was just one problem, his girlfriend!
Yeah. But, it gets better, they were always off and on again, and you could never tell if they were on again.
Then one day I got this major signal, I mean MAJOR!
I was pretty happy.
Here was the guy of my dreams, totally into hooking up. Hell yeah I went for it, so fast.
So, we did, a few times over the next few months.
But in time it got weird.
When we hung out in the group, things were different.
He wouldn’t act the same around me.
I found out that him and his girlfriend were on again.
I got so mad, here he was, getting cozy with me at night, and ignoring me the rest of the time.
After a wile, I couldn’t take it anymore.
So, I told on him, I told his girlfriend he was cheating on her with me.
Oh it was great! It turned into this big thing and nothing was the same after.
But I still “LOVED” him.
I used that word because that’s what I thought it was.
Man, I was wrong.
Every time I was down on something I thought of about him.
And I felt fine.
He became my happiness.
I was always sad because he wasn’t around anymore.
It was a pretty big depression.
It got so bad that I begged him to hang out with me, of course he’d say “ sure “
but he never actually meant it.
I loved him, still.
I thought that meant something, something so powerful, nothing could stop it.
I was protected by love, love meant I’d never be sad again. I was safe.
There would be nothing to worry about.
As long as I had him.
I never felt that low before.
It was scary to think that I’d never feel happy again.
And just thinking that made me almost believe it, Almost.
I began to feel the power I had to change the way I felt.
It’s just as easy to bring happiness into your life as it is to bring sadness, guilt and pain.
Actually, it’s a little easier than all that negative stuff.
I started to feel happy again, because I trusted myself that I would get through
I learned to love myself too.
I understood that my happiness could only come from myself, someone I trusted utterly completely and without any doubt.
That felt good, great, actually.
To have the promise from myself that I was going to be ok, was, is beautiful.
For the first time, I was confident, happy, and free for myself.
I used him for my happiness and it blew up in my face.
I know that I trust in myself, and I believe it.
My name is Angelo, and I love myself today, and always.